


Collision

by RexWolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RexWolfe/pseuds/RexWolfe
Summary: Drip... drip... drip... The noise echoed around her. Drip... drip...drip... It drummed in her ears. Drip... drip...drip... "Bernie..."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ffnet
> 
> Hello everyone!
> 
> I can't say I've ever been a fan of the 'British soap/drama' genre but that all changed when I heard that Jemma Redgrave was to be on Holby City. I crumbled at the knees under the pressure of all the Berena feels and well... let's be honest... I'm addicted. Welcome to the darkside Rex, there's no way out. Le sigh.
> 
> I finally gave in to the temptation of Berena fanfic and then suddenly, this idea popped into my head. It's not at all Christmasy, it's not a happy start. It will be dark and full of feels. Why am I doing this? Why put myself through this torture? I shouldn't post this.
> 
> Fuck it.

Chapter 01

Drip... drip... drip...

The noise echoed around her.

Drip... drip...drip...

It drummed in her ears.

Drip... drip...drip...

"Bernie..."

Drip... drip...drip...

The ice cold surface she laid against bit into her cheek and she could feel something digging into her back. She opened her eyes and winched at the bright light above her. Was she upside down? Her head felt heavy, the way one felt when the blood rushed to your brain. She lifted an arm, the one that seemed able to move and reached above her. Her hand hit the car roof and she used it to steady her as she took a look around.

"Bernie?"

She couldn't remember what happened.

Drip... drip... drip...

Glass littered the road outside the car and for the first time she realised the full impact of what had happened. A car accident.

"Bernie?"

She glanced around again, looking desperately. She hadn't been in the car alone.

Panic rose in her chest, threatening to suffocate her.

"Bernie!"

She needed to get out of the car.

Drip... drip... drip...

She gritted her teeth against the pain that shot through her upper body when she released her seat belt. She fell against the roof of the car and took a minute to allow her body to adjust to the discomfort.

One... two... three...

Three breaths.

She had to get out of the car.

Drip... drip... drip...

The front window was scattered across the tarmac. An easy escape route.

She crawled slowly until she was a few feet from the car. Only then did she sit on her heels and take in what had happened. Three cars, including her own, were practically on top of each other. A lone tree still stood between them. It had probably been the reason the cars were bunched up as they were.

Deep breaths.

One... two... three...

Drip... drip... drip...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!
> 
> The hits and response to this has been incredible! Berena fans certainly know how to welcome a gal.
> 
> I really wasn't expecting much response to the first chapter so thank you everyone that has reviewed and messaged me, to everyone that has read it and to everyone that has added me to various alerts. You've spurred me on to get another chapter out today so I hope you all like it! I may have worked on this during my lunch break and on my travel home whilst stuck in traffic. Good use of my time if you ask me :P
> 
> Anyway, please do let me know what you think of this chapter. Many thanks again! xx

Chapter 02

"Bernie?"

She struggled to her feet, her shoulder and lower back tensing in protest. There was smoke coming from one of the cars but she couldn't tell which one. She knew she had to get help but first she needed to get everyone out of the cars.

Without warning she felt as though her body had been hit by a large blast. Her feet felt stuck to the ground. Her nose was suddenly filled with the intense smell of burning flesh but her eyes told her that the cars weren't on fire. Heat prickled against her neck and she swore she could hear people shouting.

She'd been here before...

"Bernie, answer me!"

Serena.

Her voice cut cleanly through the others. "Serena?" She stumbled toward her car and knelt by the window she'd crawled through. Serena had been in the back of the car, she remembered now. She hadn't been feeling well and crawled into the backseat to sleep a little while Bernie drove.

There was a muffled sob. "Oh god, I was calling you and you didn't answer. I thought..." Serena sighed. "Are you alright?"

"I..." she wasn't. She couldn't tell if she'd been injured, the adrenaline still pumping through her veins masking any high levels of pain. Physically was a mystery but mentally... "I'm fine..." she lied."Can you move?" She tried to peer through the window but the shadow from the overhead light in the front seat prevented her from seeing anything.

"I slid down onto the floor and the seats slammed back..." she coughed and let out a little sigh of pain. "I can't breathe..."

"It's going to be ok," Bernie said, her voice stronger than she felt inside. "I'm going to try to move the seats forward."

"Keep talking to me," Serena's voice wavered slightly.

Bernie talked as she moved into position, narrating everything she was doing while she prepared to get Serena out of the car. "I'm going to ease the passenger seat forward first, alright?"

Serena whimpered her consent.

"Are you in pain?" Bernie asked.

"It's just hard to breathe," Serena said softly. "Get me out of here."

Bernie nodded and slowly moved the seat forward inch by inch. She didn't want anything to move suddenly in case there was anything wrong that Serena couldn't yet feel.

Once the seat was as far forward as she could manage, Bernie leaned over to check on Serena. "Everything ok?" She asked, getting her first look at the other woman.

"Fine," she breathed out. "My legs are ok but my shoulder hurts a little."

"I'm going to move the driver's seat forward now. I want you to use your legs to brace against the roof ok?" She waited for Serena to give her ok but when nothing came she leaned over a little more to catch her attention. "Serena?"

"Go slowly," Serena let out a shaky breath.

"I will," Bernie said, wishing she could see the other woman's face. "Brace yourself," she warned. Just like she did with the first seat, Bernie inched the driver's seat forward. She stopped occasionally to check on Serena but the other woman encouraged her to keep going.

Serena landed against the roof with a graceless thumb and let out a groan.

"Are you ok?" Bernie was at her side instantly. Her immediate concern was head injury but she couldn't see any signs of bruising.

"I think my shoulder is dislocated," Serena said. Bernie checked her eyes and was relieved to see that they were bright and focused. She could rule out a major head injury for the time being.

"Anything else?"

"I don't think so," Serena sighed. "The dripping is driving me crazy."

Bernie laughed softly. "Let's get you out of here," she said, helping Serena out of the car.

"What happened?" She asked as Bernie moved her away from the car and made her sit down on the road.

"I don't know," Bernie said. "I don't remember anything."

Serena's eyes grew concerned. "Did you hit your head?" She reached toward her with her good arm but Bernie brushed it away gently.

"I flashed back to the IED accident," she said as she checked Serena over to see if she had any other hidden injuries. "It blocked out this accident but it will come back to me."

"Are you alright?" Serena asked.

"I will be," she smiled and touched Serena's cheek. "Stay here. I need to check the other cars."

Bernie made her way to the other cars and tried her best to ignore the various aches and pains she felt. The first car, the one that had the most damage was too crushed for her to see anyone inside. The other car held a young couple, a man and woman that couldn't have been much older than Cam. They were still strapped into their seats and after a quick observation, Bernie could see that they seemed to be ok apart from being unconscious. They were breathing fine, their heart beats strong. She didn't want to move either of them before they were awake. In the state she and Serena were in, she knew she wouldn't be able to move them.

"How are they?" Serena asked from behind her. Bernie turned to look at her but before she could answer, she watched as Serena's face blanched.

"What is it?" Bernie asked, moving toward her.

"You need to sit down," Serena said, tying off the makeshift sling she'd made with her scarf.

"What..." Bernie looked down at herself and froze. A dark patch was spreading across the thigh of her jeans. She felt with her hands and noticed a small tear in the fabric. Now that she'd seen it, she felt it. "Oh god..." The pain seared through her leg.

Serena had managed to stand up and had made her way toward Bernie as quickly as she could. "Lay down," she said, her good arm slid around Bernie's waist and together they carefully got down on the ground.

As she and Serena worked together to lower her jeans enough to assess the damage, Bernie could feel the adrenaline seeping from her body. She could already tell that her leg wasn't the only thing that was injured. Her lower back felt numb. Her eyes drifted to Serena's concerned face. "Any excuse to get my trousers off..." she mumbled and Serena's head shot up. Bernie smiled and Serena let out a nervous laugh.

"Is now really the time to be making jokes?" Serena smiled.

Bernie shrugged. "Seems as good a time as any," she winced when the fabric of her jeans were peeled away from her injury. "Anything to keep you from looking so worried."

Serena smiled gratefully and once again turned her attention back to Bernie's leg. "I can't see anything in the wound but there isn't an exit."

"Probably just a flesh wound," Bernie said, shifting up onto her elbows to get a better look. Before she could comment, a stab of pain shot through her stomach. Her cry of pain caused Serena to hook her good arm under Bernie's neck and lower her back to the ground.

"Where does it hurt?" She asked.

"My stomach," Bernie replied.

She felt Serena pull at her coat. "There's a small tear in your coat," she said as she pushed it aside. She paused long enough for Bernie to become concerned.

"What is it?"

"You didn't feel this?" Serena asked as their eyes met.

Bernie didn't like the look she found there. "What is it?"

"I don't know," Serena looked back to whatever it was she'd discovered. "It feels like metal. Perhaps a piece of one of the cars?"

"I have..." She couldn't say it. She didn't want to say it. "Get it out."

"No," Serena moved so that she hovered above her. "I don't know what it's done inside. There isn't a lot of blood which means whatever it is, it's stopping blood flow."

"Serena I want it out of me," Bernie could feel the panic rising. The familiar cold feeling she'd had before. The helplessness made her angry. "Get it out!"

"Not until I have reason to," Serena said firmly. She brushed a hand over her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Tears prickled in Bernie's eyes; unable to do anything but stare at the night sky she let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes.

One... two... three...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! Why do I do this to myself?!
> 
> Thanks for reading and remember I love making new friends so drop me a line and let me know what you thought of the new chapter.
> 
> Now I'm off to watch Holby. Woohoo!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's nearly Christmas! I'm currently still working (I say working loosely because really I've done very little today...) and counting down the days until I'm free for two weeks holiday. Bring it on!
> 
> So here is the next chapter. Thank you to everyone that is reading, everyone who has added me to alerts and favourite and of course to everyone that has reviewed. I normally prefer to message people who have left reviews but it's been quite busy since I last updated so if you haven't had a message from me then thank you!
> 
> Just a quick note, I'm currently working on an idea that sprung from a post I saw on Tumblr. Basically it was a photo of Jemma in Bramwell and Catherine in something set around the same time. Sooooo... I'm working an AU piece set in the late 1800's. Serena will be working at the Clinic and Bernie has been working on the front lines with British Army in Africa. What do you think? Would you all be interested in reading it? Let me know in a review or drop me a PM.
> 
> Anyway, onto the next chapter!

Chapter 03

"How are you doing?" Serena asked as she carefully knelt down beside Bernie. She'd been checking on the man and woman in the other car.

"I've been worse," Bernie gave her a slight smile. "How are they?"

"Still breathing," Serena said quietly. "I need to ring for assistance but I have no signal here."

Bernie looked up into Serena's eyes. She could see that she was worried; could see the false bravery tremble in her upper lip. "Go to the top of the hill," Bernie suggested. "You'll get better signal. You might even find a car to flag down."

"I don't want to leave you," Serena said.

"You're not," Bernie smiled. "You'll be right back. I promise not to go anywhere." Serena smiled at that and she checked Bernie's wound one last time.

"I'll take both of our phones," she said, putting them in her pocket. "I'll be right back."

Bernie watched as Serena carefully got back to her feet and she felt a sudden pang in her stomach. "Serena..." The other woman turned to look at her and Bernie swallowed the lump in her throat. She loved Serena. Had done for some time now. On her return from Kiev, they had found their way back to the easy friendship they'd shared before the incident with Fletch. It had been difficult and sometimes painfully slow however Bernie had been happy to take whatever Serena offered. But as she lay on the floor, unsure of the seriousness of her injury, she couldn't help but wish things were different. She wanted to tell her friend how much she meant to her life. She wanted to tell her she loved her. She wanted to feel her lips against hers. She felt tears in her eyes again and she looked back up at the sky, no longer able to look at her. "Be careful," she said after a moment.

"Always," Serena whispered. Bernie looked up at Serena again and she felt her resolve breaking at the tenderness she saw in the other woman's eyes. They both knew that they weren't talking about Serena's safety.

"I know," Bernie smiled as Serena began to make her way up to the top of the road.

Bernie listened to the sound of Serena's shoes scuffling against the road until she could no longer hear them. Only then did she realise just how alone they were. There was nothing to be heard on the air, no cars, no animals, not even the drip from the cars. It was so very different to Afghanistan. She was cold and it was quiet. Alone. Each breath felt harder to take than the last and she knew what was happening. She was having a panic attack.

One... two... three...

She counted her breaths, tried to keep them even and slow but her lungs felt like they were on fire.

"J... John?"

The woman's voice shook. Bernie tried to look over at the cars but she couldn't see the people in side.

"John! We... oh god... I think..."

Her panic was enough to distract Bernie from her own troubles. "Help is coming," she called out.

"Who's there?" The poor woman was terrified. "Get me out of here!"

"I can't," Bernie said sympathetically. "Just stay where you are and try to keep calm. Ok?"

"Keep calm? How do you..."

"Tell me your name," Bernie interrupted, hoping to stop the woman from hysterics. Talking would help them both right now.

"My name?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm Bernie," she said, turning her head and checking the road for Serena. "What's your name?"

"Hay... Hayley..."

"And how old are you Hayley?"

"23... no... I'm 24. It's my birthday." Her voice shook again and Bernie knew the woman was on the verge of crying.

"Happy Birthday," she said quickly. "Don't you worry. I know a lot of people at Holby City Hospital and I can promise you they know how to celebrate a birthday."

"Is that how the NHS spends my taxes then?" She gave a dry laugh and Bernie smiled.

"Birthdays, weddings and the occasional Christmas party." Bernie laughed.

"I don't want to be in here," she said after a moment. "I want to get out."

"It's better that you stay there Hayley," Bernie replied. "My friend will be back soon and she'll take a look at you."

"Why?"

"Because you might need help. She's a doctor, we both are. We can help you."

"Well if you're going to be in a car accident, I suppose it's a good job we slammed into the back of two doctors."

"You're going to be fine," Bernie said, reaching a hand down to her side to touch the metal object. "We'll all be fine."

"Are... are you hurt?" Hayley asked, her voice shook again.

"I'm fine," Bernie lied. "I'm a little banged up but I'm ok. No need to worry."

"John... my boyfriend... he doesn't look good..."

"We checked you both over before you woke up," Bernie tried to reassure her. "He's ok. Its better we leave him."

"Shouldn't we wake him up?" She asked.

"Not yet," Bernie replied. "It's better he stays unconscious. We don't want him to panic."

"We argued," Hayley said tearfully. "We were arguing when..."

"Don't think about that now," she said quickly. "You'll be able to make up when you're both at the hospital."

"What if he doesn't..."

"He will Hayley, don't think about anything other than what you'll say to him when he's awake."

"I'll give him a bloody good telling off for coming this way," she laughed and was quiet for a moment. "He's a good boyfriend really. He's the love of my life."

"I'd start with that before you tell him off," Bernie laughed.

Silence hit her again. "Hayley?"

Nothing.

"Hayley? Can you hear me?"

Bernie looked back up the road where Serena had headed. She couldn't see her coming back.

"Hayley?"

Bernie took a deep breath.

One... two... three...

She gritted her teeth and slowly lifted her head off the ground. Pain shot through her abdomen but she used her arms to lift herself into a sitting position. She could feel it now. The tiny metal object lodged in her flesh felt foreign and uncomfortable. She pressed her hand against the wound and rolled into her knees.

"Hayley?" Bernie got to her feet one at a time, mindful not to twist her body in her haste to get to Hayley.

When she finally reached Hayley's side of the car, the young woman was unconscious. She knew she had to act fast. Hayley had been awake and aware of her surroundings. For her to lose consciousness meant there was something wrong. She checked the young woman's pulse, it was still there but it was fainter than it had been when she'd checked earlier. She had to get her out of the car.

"Hayley, can you hear me?" She checked her eyes and gently tapped her cheek with the back of her fingers. "I need you to wake up now Hayley," she repeated, checking her eyes again.

Hayley let out a long groan and Bernie smiled. "There you are," she said with relief. "Look at me," she waited for Hayley's eyes to land on her. "We need to get you out of the car so I can check you over."

"But..." Hayley's eyes closed again for a minute before they slowly opened again. "You said... I should stay..."

"I know," Bernie said, taking hold of the door handle. "But you lost consciousness. I need to get you out so I can check you over."

"S'it serious?" She mumbled.

"You'll be fine," Bernie checked down inside the car where Hayley was pressed up against the door. "I just want to be safe."

"Safe..." Hayley mumbled again. Her eyes were drifting shut again and Bernie quickly caught her head before it fell forward.

"Hayley I'm going to open the car door, ok?" Hayley nodded just a touch.

Ignoring the stabbing pain in her side, Bernie yanked open the door with all her might. Hayley fell to the side and Bernie only just managed to catch her. Pain tore through her entire body and she felt tears prick her eyes. She tried to put it aside as she leaned over the young woman and clicked open the seat belt.

"Tell me if something hurts," Bernie said through gritted teeth as she pulled her from the car.

"I... I need... to sit..." Hayley wheezed as they both landed a little harder than necessary onto the road where Bernie had been laid beforehand.

"Lay on your back," Bernie instructed. "I need to check you over."

"I don't feel so good..." Hayley began to cry. "I feel... cold..."

Bernie shrugged out of her coat and dropped it over the younger woman. "This should help a little," she said, smiling down at her. "Hayley?" Her eyes stared up at her. Lifeless. "Hayley?"

Bernie checked for a pulse but there was nothing. She pulled her coat off her body and began CPR. "Come on Hayley," she said desperately. "You can't do this now. Not on your birthday."

One... two... three...

As she was conducting heart compressions she heard footsteps behind her. "Bernie?"

"Her heart stopped beating," she said over her shoulder as Serena ran toward them.

"You shouldn't be doing this," she said, kneeling down on the other side of the woman.

"You're in no shape to be doing this," Bernie said, looking up at her friend. "And I can't just let her die."

Serena looked like she wanted to argue, like she wanted to drag her away from the young woman but the doctor's oath they had both taken was too strong. She nodded. "Let me take over mouth to mouth," she offered while Bernie continued to pump her hands against the woman's chest.

"She can't die," Bernie said quietly.

"I don't want you to die either," Serena said, her eyes glanced in the direction of Bernie's wound.

"I won't," Bernie said, ignoring the spread of warmth that was running down her thigh. "We're going to be fine..."

Come on Hayley.

One... two... three...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone and in case I don't get to update before Christmas then I hope you all have an amazing and festive holiday!
> 
> Remember to let me know what you think about this chapter and about the new idea. Love to you all! xxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well fuck me. This was hard. A slightly shorter chapter but the next one will be longer. I feel like there should probably be warnings on this but I don't really know what. Other than, it's hard. No one dies, there will be no deaths but it's still pretty tough.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter... like? Is that really the right word? Absolutely not but you get what I mean. I'd love to know what you're thinking so remember to drop me a line.
> 
> Thanks again everyone for all the support and reviews. Thank you to everyone reading and to everyone adding me to alerts. You're all awesome.

Chapter 04

"Her breathing is slow but at least her heart is beating," Serena said as she checked one more time on Hayley.

Bernie sat back on her heels and looked up at the sky. She was cold. "How long until the paramedics are here?" she asked.

"20 minutes," Serena said turning to look at her. "You're pale."

"I'm cold too," Bernie said, looking at her friend. Serena's eyes darkened; they both knew what was happening. She felt light headed and she swayed slightly. She couldn't feel her legs anymore. "Serena..." she felt herself fall heavily onto her side, the tarmac jarring her shoulder socket.

"Bernie..!"

Time seemed to slow as she was rolled onto her back. Serena appeared above her; her hand cupped her cheek and made her look into her eyes. "Serena..."

"You stupid woman!" she admonished, tears in her eyes.

"I... I'm losing blood..." Bernie could feel it again. It had spread from the wound in her side as she worked on Hayley. She'd felt it running down her leg and as she lay on her back, she could feel it pooling at her lower back.

"You shouldn't have moved!" Serena said. Bernie felt Serena's hand under her clothes, putting pressure into the wound. She gasped at the pain. "I'm sorry but I need to stop the bleeding..." Serena said as tears fell across her cheeks.

Bernie couldn't take her eyes of her. It had begun to rain a little, the small drops clung to her short dark hair and Bernie lifted a hand to brush the damp strands out of Serena's eyes. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips thinned as she concentrated on what she was doing. Her eyes were alight, worry deep set. "Serena..." Bernie watched as Serena pulled her scarf off and pushed it under Bernie's top and against the wound. "Serena..." she tried again to get her attention.

"Don't you dare distract me," Serena said, her eyes still focused on her work.

"Please just look at me," Bernie asked.

Serena let out a shaky breath and then looked up at her. "You're not dying," she said.

Bernie smiled at her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her chest felt heavy. She had a lot she wanted to say. Too much really.

"What for?" Serena frowned.

"I'm sorry I left," she said, lifting one of her hands to drop on top of Serena's. "I... I shouldn't have... you meant so much to me that I... I didn't want to ruin... us..."

"Stop it," Serena said with a firm shake of her head. "We can talk about this when we're both back at Holby."

Bernie sighed. She knew there was chance that she wouldn't make it back to Holby. Serena knew it too. They'd seen it too many times to rule it out completely. "In case we don't..." Bernie squeezed her hand. "In case... I just... I thought you should know that I..." she paused and took a deep breath to steel her nerves. Shoulders back, chin up. That's what her commander would have said. She smiled. "I love you, Serena Campbell. I always have. From the very first surgery we performed together..."

"It was Tony, wasn't it?" Serena smiled as tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

"Yeah," Bernie laughed. Her eyes felt heavy.

Serena looked down at her hands. "You can't give up Bernie," she said, lifting her head until their eyes met. "I won't respond to what you said until we're sitting in Albie's with a bottle of Shiraz."

"I don't..." Bernie could feel her mind drifting, her eyes closing. She was about to lose consciousness but she was glad that she at least got to tell Serena how she really felt. Just in case.

"Bernie!" Serena's hand left her body and cupped her head. Bernie felt her head being lifted off the ground. "Bernie open your eyes!"

Bernie tried to do as she asked. "I'm sor..."

"No please," Serena sobbed. Bernie managed to open her eyes long enough to see her face and she smiled.

"Love... you..." She watched Serena's face light up as she smiled. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Bernie's. She didn't want it to end. She didn't want this to be the last time.

Serena pulled away and Bernie felt herself being lowered to the ground again.

Keep breathing.

One... two... three...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whyyyyyyyyyy?! I've avoided writing this because I knew it was going to be hard and dayum! I broke my own heart. I'll be over here in the corner, crying. Please send help...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR! I wish you all a very happy and healthy (and Beren filled) 2017!
> 
> Here's the next chapter in this difficult fic. I hope it's a bit lighter, albeit worrying, than the previous chapter and that you all enjoy it. Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed, added me to alerts and shared this. You're all amazing people and I'm so glad to be in this fandom!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you're thinking. Remember I'm still accepting prompts, I've already received a few and I'm currently working on a few which I hope to have out very soon.
> 
> Thank you all so much! Xx

Chapter 05

Beep... beep... beep...

"I brought you some coffee," a voice said.

"She should have woken up by now." It was Serena. "Why isn't she awake?"

I am awake.

"Her anaesthetic should have worn off by now." The voice from before was Raf. Bernie felt him checking her over. Listening to her heart beat, shinning his pocket light in her eyes. The beeps on the monitor told her that her body was on the mend. But why couldn't they see she was awake? "I'll have someone come down from Neurology if she's still not awake in an hour."

Half an hour, Bernie wanted to say.

"Half an hour," Serena said and Bernie smiled inside. She always had her back.

"Of course," Raf said. Bernie could hear the concern in his voice and she knew it wasn't just for her but for Serena too.

Bernie listened to his footsteps and then the sound of a door as it opened and closed. She was in one of the side rooms. She couldn't see Serena but she knew she was still there. She wanted to talk to her, to look at her. She wanted to know she was alright.

"You had better wake up, Bernie," Serena said with a clipped voice. "You can't leave me... not after what you said..." She went quiet for a moment and Bernie felt her heart clench.

For the first time, Bernie regretted her hasty admission of love. If she didn't wake up, she'd ensured Serena would live with the guilt of not being able to say her peace. Had she been selfish?

"You're the talk of the hospital you know," Serena said with humour in her voice. "You're the only doctor in this place that's been a patient twice."

Bernie wanted to roll her eyes. She could just imagine what people were saying, what gossip was going around. There was no doubt that one of the biggest pieces of gossip would be to do with the two of them being together when they were involved in the collision. Even though they had moved into an easy friendship, the rest of the hospital was still prone to a good gossip about the true state of their 'relationship'. Despite her true feelings for Serena, Bernie didn't like the staff talking about them. It was none of their business.

"Hayley survived," Serena said after a moment. Bernie felt relieved that the young woman had pulled through. "Her aorta was damaged by the belt when they crashed into the back of us. Naylor has repaired it but she'll likely be on meds for a long time. She asked to see you, is desperate to see you actually."

Hayley was awake before she was? Had her injuries been even more complicated than the woman's heart injury? She wished she could ask.

"Her boyfriend didn't make it," Serena continued. Bernie's heart was heavy. She wished she could go to Hayley, she knew the young woman would be devastated. "There was a man in the other car. Apparently he'd been drinking and got into a fight, received a severe head injury and got straight into his car instead of getting it checked." Bernie knew where this was going. "He died in front of the wheel. The car veered in front of you but the speed that he was going, plus the impact of the car behind us... well, I think you can guess the rest."

As she listened to Serena talking, Bernie couldn't help but focus on certain aspects. Such as; Hayley had received heart surgery and had woken up before her, and that they had had time to find out not only that the man in the car was dead but how and when he'd died. For the injury she had received, a few hours maximum in theatre was all that should have been required. But if she had damaged an organ or there had been heavy blood loss, both complications would mean extra time under the knife. The main thing that confused her thought was trying to understand why she wasn't fully awake.

The more Bernie thought about it, the more she was desperate to wake up.

Beep... beep... beep...

The sound of the machine hastened.

"Bernie?"

Oh god, Serena. Wake me up from this! Bernie could feel herself panicking, the tight feeling in her chest overwhelming. She just wanted to wake up.

"You need to calm down," Serena's voice was commanding but kind. Bernie felt herself calm a little but it wasn't enough.

The door to the room opened. "What happened?" It was Raf again.

"I..." Serena's voice broke, the confidence she had when it was just the two of them was no longer there. "She's tachycardic... it's like she's..."

Having a heart attack, Bernie thought.

"She's not," Raf interrupted. He understood their fears, it was probably the first thing that popped into his head too. "It's a panic attack."

"Are... are you sure?" Serena asked.

"Listen," Raf paused and Bernie knew that Serena had begun her own checks. "She just needs to rest."

Serena let out a sigh. "I want her to wake up."

Me too, Bernie thought.

"She will," Raf rassured her. "She needs her rest and so do you."

"I don't want to go home," Serena said in a tired voice. It sounded as though many people had already had this conversation with her.

"Morven and Cam set up a camp bed in your office," Raf said kindly. "You can stay here. Cam said Charlotte is staying with Jason so you don't need to worry about him. Me and Fletch have things covered and we're all going to take it in turns to sit with Bernie. We'll wake you if there's any change."

Bernie was touched that everyone had pulled together to help Serena but even more so that her kids were so concerned about her. She knew Cam had told Charlotte about his suspicions regarding her attraction to Serena and she was overwhelmed by how much she loved them both that they would do this for someone she cared about.

"Any changes," Serena said. "Anything, you come get me."

"I promise," Raf said. "We all do."

Bernie didn't want Serena to leave but she knew that at the end of the day, it would be better for both of them.

There was slight pause and the next time she heard Serena's voice, she was whispering in her ear.

"I need you to wake up," she said. "I need you to open your eyes so I can tell you how much I love you."

Bernie smiled and she hoped that Serena could see it as she pulled away.

Beep... beep... beep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouuuuch! I don't know why I keep doing to myself or why I keep torturing you. Apparently I enjoy playing with people's emotions and crushing their hearts. Aren't I a catch? Ha!
> 
> Thanks for reading and please remember to leave me a review so I know what and how you're feeling xxx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening ladies and gays! 
> 
> So I thought it was about time that I updated this fucker. Thank you to everyone that has messaged me about this fic and I’m sorry that it took me so long to update it. It’s been a rough ride lately and I figured we could all use a little break from the doom and gloom so focused my attention on prompts and The Clinic. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I’d love to know your thoughts!
> 
> Sending you all lots of virtual hugs – Bernie style!
> 
> xxx

Chapter 06

Boom... boom... boom...

“Bernie!”

The heat was unbearable. It surrounded her. Stung her lungs. She was suffocating. 

“Bernie?” 

Alex.

“I got you,” she said.

Bernie felt herself being dragged away from the heat. The rush of dusty air filled her lungs and she coughed violently. 

“Keep still,” Alex whispered. “You’re hurt...”

She tried to reply. To say something... anything. She coughed again and pain seared through her chest and neck. She couldn’t feel her legs... Black seeped into her consciousness. A feeling of calm washed over her.

“Bernie? Stay awake...”

Beep... beep... beep...

She woke with a gasp. Her eyes wide, her throat dry. A strangled cry sounded around the room and it took Bernie a moment to realise that it had come from her. The machine beeped rapidly and she coughed around the tube in her throat. She knew she needed to calm down but she couldn’t. Fear had its claws hooked into her body and she recognised the panic before it had even begun. 

A door slammed open and feet thundered against the tile floor as her colleagues ran into the room. “She’s awake,” someone said. “Get Raf!”

Yes! Bernie felt a flash of relief push at the panic but it wasn’t enough. She still felt as though she was going to choke. 

“What happened?” Raf’s familiar voice was a welcome sound to Bernie’s ears and she felt tears tingle in the corner of her eyes. She felt his hands on her shoulders once he understood what was happening. His face appeared above her and he smiled. “We have you,” he said, before turning to shout instructions to the waiting nurses. “Try to keep calm and we can get that tube out, ok?”

Calm was a trait Bernie was proud to have mastered during her time in the forces but as she lay on her back staring up at Raf, she found it wasn’t easy to find. “You have it,” he encouraged. “There you go.”

The process of taking out the tube from her throat took a matter of minutes but to Bernie it seemed to take an eternity. Once the tube was gone, Raf leaned over her and checked her vitals. “How are you feeling?” He asked, a smile on his face. He looked as though he hadn’t had much sleep.

“Fine,” she managed to squeeze out. “Dry...”

Raf quickly retrieved a glass of water from the table next to the bed. He placed a straw in it and held it out for Bernie. She took a sip. The water felt icy as it passed over her sore throat. She coughed again. “We’ll get you some ice cubes,” he said. “They might be easier to take.”

Bernie shook her head slightly. “What happened?” Her throat protested when she tried to say anything more. 

“During the crash, the first car was going so fast that when it collided with you a piece of the frame splintered. From what the fire and police departments have found so far, the shard was what broke the front windshield of your car. A piece of the metal was lodged into your torso.” 

Bernie stared at him. It didn’t sound real. She had survived two car accidents in little over a year. What were the odds? “Damage?” 

“Nicked your large intestine,” he said and Bernie saw his eyes shift. 

“And?”

“We repaired it and you’ll need to watch what you’re eating for a while,” he said. “No wholemeal, vegetables, raw or dried fruit...”

“What...” she winced at the pull in her throat. “Why... long..?”

Raf nodded and she was glad that he understood what she was asking. “You lost a lot of blood,” he said after a moment. “We couldn’t get the bleed under control and by the time you got here you’d already lost so much...” he sighed. “It was the bleed that led to the complications. We had to let the wound bleed while we sutured the intestine...”

Bernie nodded, she didn’t need him to continue. She finally understood what had happened. In order to fix the wound, they needed to let her bleed to allow them to get access to the intestine. But the blood she lost was greater than what was going into her. It was something she’d seen so many times in the field. She’d lost a lot of young men and women that way. It was never easy. She was grateful that this had happened to her while here in Holby. She may not have survived at all had she still been in the field. The thought made her blood run cold. 

“Can I get you anything?” Raf asked. Bernie looked up at him and he smile immediately. “She’s sleeping in her office,” he said and Bernie was at least glad she was able to get some rest. “I’ll get her for you.” 

Serena. 

She was overwhelmed with a strong desire to see her, to hold her. She wanted to see her, to see her smile and the tease that was always in her eyes. She loved her. She loved her with every fibre of her being. And despite her worry that she had made a mistake in telling her, she knew that as soon as she was able to tell her, to show her what she meant to her, she wouldn’t walk away from it. She’d never walk again.

Serena.

Bernie smiled and she closed her eyes as the last pangs of panic faded from her body. 

Serena. 

Beep... beep... beep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taa daa!! Hope you liked it. Remember to let me know what you thought and thank you so much for reading! xxx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. The final chapter. It’s been quite a journey and despite the emotional rollercoaster this has taken me on, I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. And the thing I’ve enjoyed the most, is getting to know this wonderful fandom. This was my first Berena fic and you all welcomed me with open arms. Thank you! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the final instalment and once again, thank you for reading, for leaving comments, for sharing and adding me to alerts. You guys are awesome!

Chapter 07

_Beep... beep... beep..._

As soon as the door to the side room opened, Bernie opened her eyes and looked toward it. Serena was standing in the doorway, her eyes wide, her body completely still. She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Hello you,” Bernie whispered with what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

Serena remained quiet but her eyes never left her. Raf appeared behind her and gave her a gentle nudge into the room before shooing the nurses out. “Yell if you need anything,” he smiled at Bernie and quickly closed the door. Now it was just her and Serena.

“Serena?” Bernie’s throat tightened and she coughed. The sound seemed to kick Serena out of the stupor she was in. She jumped forward and placed an ice cube in a cloth. She sat on the edge of the bed and lifted the ice cube up to Bernie’s mouth. The cold water soothed her throat and she couldn’t stop the little sigh of relief as she closed her eyes. After a moment, she allowed her head to fall back against her pillow and Serena put the ice cube in the tray a nurse left at her bedside.

Bernie took a moment to watch Serena for a moment. She looked tired. Her arm was in a sling and she had a dark bruise forming above her right eye. Other than that, she seemed fine. “Are... are you... ok?” She managed to ask.

Serena flinched at her words and she looked down at the floor. “I... I should be the one asking you that,” she said quietly.

Bernie could see something shine in Serena’s eyes but she still refused to look at her. She reached out and wrapped her fingers around her hand, which made her look up. “You... ok?” She asked again.

Serena gave a weak smile and her eyes filled with tears. “Physically I’m... fine,” she took a deep breath. “But I’ve been so worried about you...” her words caught in her throat and Bernie watched the first tear fall onto Serena’s cheek. “You took a long time to wake up and then your heart... I thought...”

“I... know...” Bernie whispered. Serena looked up at her sharply. “Panic...attack...”

Serena looked at her with surprise. “You... heard what we were saying?” She blushed when Bernie nodded her head. “Ah.”

There was a lot Bernie still wanted to talk about but from the look in Serena’s eyes, she knew a change of subject might be for the best. “Raf said... I have to... watch... my diet...” she smiled and Serena laughed softly.

“No vegetables or fruit?” Serena raised an eyebrow. “This is the one time in your life when you won’t be judged for the lack of nutrition in your diet.”

“Pizzas... and Chinese... that’s all I need...” Bernie rubbed her thumb against Serena’s hand.

“And a glass of Shiraz?” Serena smirked.

“The doctor... didn’t say no... to wine...” Bernie coughed a little when she laughed and Serena held another ice cube to her lips. The cough and ice seemed to break the moment of levity between them and Serena’s eyes darkened with concern once more.

“I thought...” Serena stopped herself and took a breath, her eyes focused on the ice cube. “Out on the road... I thought I lost you and then when you wouldn’t wake up...”

“I’m ok...” Bernie said as she moved Serena’s hand and the ice cube away from her mouth. “I’m... still here...” Serena gave a watery smile, a few fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. Bernie lifted her hands to her cheeks and wiped them away. “Don’t... I’m here... never leaving...”

It seemed to be the final straw for her. Serena’s face crumbled as she slumped forward, careful of her own injuries and Bernie’s surgical wound, and rested her forehead against Bernie’s. She sobbed freely. Bernie cried with her, silent tears rolled down her face as she reached her hands to her best friend’s neck and caressed her gently with her thumbs. She wanted to kiss her. To tell her again how much she loved her. To hold her in her arms properly. To ask her to climb into bed with her and never leave. But she was scared. She didn’t want to frighten her or push her away.

“You... you told me...” Serena sniffled and wiped at her face. “Did you mean it?” She asked in a whisper. “Did you mean what you said on the road?”

Bernie smiled. She had never, not once in her entire life, been very good at talking about feelings but being so close to Serena gave her the courage to do things she never imagined she could. It had always been like that. Working on AAU together, from the very first day of the new Trauma Bay, this woman had given her the strength to do the unimaginable. So when she opened her mouth, she wasn’t at all surprised by what came tumbling out.

“I... love... you...” Bernie said slowly.

Bernie’s breath was stolen for a moment when all of a sudden, she found herself being kissed. Serena’s good arm circled Bernie’s shoulders as she brought them closer together. Serena moaned into the kiss and Bernie felt wetness on her cheeks again. She couldn’t be sure which one of them was crying. Perhaps it was both.

“Seeing as though it might be some time before we can share a bottle of wine in Albie’s,” Serena said as she pulled away. “I just want you to know...” she smiled and took a deep breath. “I love you too.”

Bernie smiled at her. “I know,” she said and Serena laughed as she once again leaned forward and caught Bernie’s lips in a searing kiss.

_I... love... you..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what can I say? Thank you all again, so much for following along with this fic. Your constant encouragement and openness, your warmth and kindness have meant the world to me. Will forever mean the world to me. I can never say thank you enough. Honestly. You are all amazing! xxx

**Author's Note:**

> First Berena fic so I'd love to know what you think of this little starter. More to come very soon!
> 
> Thanks for reading and do drop me a line. I'd love to get to know all you other Berena fans :)


End file.
